Self-worth and Grades (a rant)

Self-worth and Grades

Today I had a breakdown about a stupid and utterly small thing. It really got me hard and even threatened my own self-worth. It has to do with school – and grades. And NO – it didn’t even have to do with a grade I got – it was about a grade I might get.

Grades are hard. You study for something & to hopefully get a good result out of it. Today I had a test, and I knew everything really well. But afterwards I just came up with all of these small things I knew I did wrong – but couldn’t fix because of time restraints. And I get it; you should be able to make the test well, within X amount of time – to prove you really understand it well. But on the other hand, if I had been given 3 hours instead of 1.5, I would have probably gotten really close to that “perfect” 10. I knew what I had done wrong and what’s even harder – I knew how I could make it right. I even had to skip over an assignment because of time.

You just study a lot, nail the material, but then don’t get all the points (you knew you could get) because you can’t finish everything in time.

This trips me up – and made me have a small breakdown today. And what I hate most about all of this is that I freaking CARE about this. Because it means that I care about what people think of me. If I only cared about what I think of me, then I would be like “Yeah, I knew how to fix every exercise if I had the time – I rocked that material.” But NO, I have to “prove” others what I already know about myself.

That’s fucked-up if you ask me. It takes away from your self-respect AND your own self-worth. I don’t want to care – and somehow I do.

My grades don’t define ow smart or capable I am – they only resemble how fast I can spew out the answers to the test within a certain amount of time. A school system like that sucks. Because people DO link your grades to your intelligence or how much you own that material. And it’s not even about that, it’s about speed…

I know this is a problem that’s rooted deeper than just this test for me. My ego is peeking at the surface and I want it to shrink back.

So let’s start loving ourselves a little more and letting these emotions be what they are. At the end of the day – at the end of your life – it all won’t matter anymore.

Do you ever struggle with this?

Lots of Love,

Britt

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The Orbit of Britt

Hi! I’m Britt and I’m a science student from the Netherlands. The things I love the most in this world are Books, Writing, Personal Development, Spirituality, Traveling & Science. I aspire to be a published author one day – and it would be an absolute dream to become a bestselling one! I long to travel the world all whilst doing what I love (and preferably get paid for it).✨

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